Mystic-Moon

Wow, so it’s like officially 1 day until I leave. And guess what. I’m NOT PACKED!!!! HOLY FREAKING CRAP!!!!! Whoa, I’m beyond excited, but I really have to get a move on. I mean, I’ve got most of the “things” packed, but I have only just started doing laundry. Goodness, talk about procrastination to the max, right?

Anyway, I’m really excited for this upcoming year, but under all that excitement IS a small fear that perhaps it won’t be as amazing as I’m making it out to be. I mean, I love my friends, and I really miss them with all that I am. And I may want to go back, but it doesn’t mean that I won’t miss my family, because though they do annoy the hell out of me sometimes, lets face it, they ARE my family, and that’s really what family does best (right behind always being there when you really need them ;] ). Goodness, I will miss them all dearly, and I even kind of feel bad for the way I’ve acted at home. I could have handled some situations much better, I’m big enough to admit that much, but unfortunately my stubborn pride will not allow me to apologize to their face. Hmmm, perhaps I may find it in me to do so right before I leave tomorrow… Lets hope, for my family’s sake, that I can.

Whoa, didn’t really expect to say all that, but on a much happier note, I’m ready for some changes, in whatever form they choose to appear. YAYA for school, friends, moving and changes!!!!!

Wow, I feel so old and so sad right now. I mean, this is going to sound ridiculous, but under that sadness is an inexplicable joy.  Okay, so today I went to my brothers high school for a preview show that their band was doing. He has just joined marching band for the first time, but he’s been in performance since grade five. So, you know, I figured it would be that same as every other time I’ve seen him perform, but I was so very wrong. To see him involved in something sooo beautiful, so hard and awesome, it almost brought tears to my eyes (which, if you know me, is a pretty hard feat to accomplish). I guess what really got to me was that when I looked down into the band and saw his face so filled with excitement, I saw him as he was when he was just learning to walk. I saw him as a young child enjoying the simplest discoveries such as the amazing bubble. I saw my little brother. And then in an instant, he was gone. He was a high school guy, participating in his school marching band. And when it was over, he didn’t even go home with us. He went out with his friends. And my sister is soon to follow suit. I don’t know what I’m going to do when she brings her first guy home!! Holy crap!! I mean, she’s gorgeous, and I’m way happy for her, but she’s still my baby sister. I don’t want to see guys goggling over her. I don’t want to know that they have thought of her in any way other than a friend. Gosh, I sound like an over-protective mother. I never thought that I of all people would actually feel as if the world has grown up on me, but hey, what do you know?

On top of all this, my older sister is facing her own bit of uncertainty. She has recently gotten back from visiting her boyfriend of three years, and she is just a big ball of confusion. I feel for her, really. I mean, I love her with all my heart, and I don’t like seeing her eyes well up, not knowing what to do, not knowing if she’s making the right decisions. And what gets me the most is that she turned to me for help. To me, her younger sister of seven years. I mean, it’s never felt like that. She has always told me everything with such open trust and confidence, told me how she feels about a certain person, even asked me for advice and help. And I’ve seemingly always come through. But I just don’t know what to do now. I’ve never been in a relationship before!! How am I to help her decide if marriage is right for the two of them? I just don’t know anymore. I could tell her things along the same lines as I always do, but this is so different. Before it was mindless crushes that didn’t last more than two months when it finally took off the ground. She’s always basically taken charge on he own, using me as a second opinion. But that’s just not how it is. She has confided in me the fears she isn’t yet willing to tell our mother, who knows everything when it comes to my sister. This makes me feel…like I really need to help, but I just don’t know what to say next. I hate it when I can’t help someone I love so very much.  :’(

Okay, so I have just recently read something that has really angered me. Well…this post is going to be religious, so, if you’re not into it, then sorry, but you really should read no further.

So, the thing that really angered me was a friends post here on live journal. I know, silly me to be angered by what someone else wrote, but it just pushed me over the edge. I am a devote Roman Catholic. And I know that some of you reading this are going “Oh boy, we’ve got another crazy here…” but hear me out. I do believe in God, and I do believe in the Bible, and NOTHING anyone says is going to change that. But I’m not crazy, or over-the-edge. I’m sensible. I’m not going to take everything word for word. I believe that the bible is a guideline. I believe that some of it is true, even fact. But I also believe that there are things in there that are just stories, things created to make us think, to teach us a lesson.

Okay, so now let me tell you what it is that’s infuriated me. A friend has recently written a post that basically says that they believe that if you are not a follower of Christ, then you are damned to Hell. No exceptions. The persons reasons for this was that they were just raised that way, and that deep down inside, they really do believe it.  I was shocked, mortified, and embarrassed by this.

How can you be so naïve? How can you generalize in such a way? I was FURIOUS!! How could you believe in such a God that would damn all?

 Now, I’m not here to ream this person out, so if you are that person, don’t take this offensively, and if you are going to take it offensively, then don’t read any further, but I personally think that your beliefs have been warped. Who are we to say “Uh…no. Your religion is wrong. So…that means you’re going to hell.”?!?! 

I personally believe that if you are a good person, then you are not to be damned. I don’t care what religion you are, I don’t even care if you don’t have a religion. I only care that you are a good person. That you do good. That you harm none. I feel if you do this, then what could possibly be wrong?

Okay, so that was my rant, and I am sorry to those of you who needlessly read through it.

Okay, so you don't know me, but I SUCK at making decisions. It's true. Well, I've finally created my schedule for school. I’ve finally got my classes picked out!! And I know that this is not exciting news to anyone who happens across this, but it is for me. Months of stressful un-knowingness (I know, not a word, but whatev) gone!! I have such a strange sense of...relief, freedom!! Wow.

You know, procrastination sucks!! I really should avoid it, but hey....sometimes you just gotta do it. Anyway, I'm rambling again. Sorry!! Oh yea, and I told you I'd have a point the next time I posted, however boring and odd it may be!! lol ;P

Wow, so I've done it. I've succumbed to it. First Facebook, then Deviantart, and now a Live Journal. What next, a myspace? I shudder at the thought. 

Well, as this is my first entry, I figure it is only fair to warn you that it will probably be a bunch of jumbled nothingness. I'm afraid I do not have the ability to let words fly off the page and keep you in awe. I leave that to my other friends. This will merely be a space for me to mumble about...whatever it is I feel like talking about on that particular day.

Okay, lets see. I removed my top two wisdom teeth the other day, and experienced the most excruciating pain I have endured in quite a while. But then I got the prescribed meds, and I felt much better. Thank Goodness!!

Well, I've been missing my friends more than ever. I've been missing them since the day they each departed from school, leaving me there to sulk in my own sadness, but hey, it's a necessary part of life. That started on May 3rd, and I'll never forget. It started with my best friend. She was supposed to be the only one of the group to leave that day, so I prepared myself. I am not one to cry, though I have found that I have cried more this year that I have in the previous six put together. So, naturally, when she left, I held it back. I would not allow the floodgates to open and embarrass myself. So, I just sat back down when she left, and cried on the inside, if you know what I mean. Unfortunately, that same day, we had an unexpected departure. Another very good friend of mine decided he wanted to leave too. So we helped him to pack, and then he left. Unfortunately, I was not prepared for this one, and I broke, thankfully, after he left. There was only one witness, and she was kind. Unfortunately, she left the next day. And so on and so forth, until only my RA, another good friend, and I remained. It was a sad day. I only wished for it to be over. And then it was.

I thought all might be okay once I returned home, but I was only fooling myself. I've recently discovered that I have a really, really, very bad habit when it come to people. It just so happens, that when I am no longer in contact with a person, my mind sort of...throws them away, like an old newspaper. It's really sad, but hey, it's something I've been doing since I was in the third grade. So, naturally, when I got back, I didn't really have anyone with whom to talk or hang out with. This only made things worse. I was left to sulk in my house, surrounded by the surplus amount of siblings I have, my only contact with my friends being facebook, as I suck at the telephone.  :( 

Another thing I have come to accept is that I don't have very many friends, and I'm okay with that. Well, I suppose I should re-phrase that. Lets see, I don't take the word "friend" lightly, or for granted. A friend is someone in which I have complete and total trust, and someone who trusts me too. As you can guess, there are not too many people in the world in which I will willingly give that title. In fact, since grade three, I have been telling my parents "No, not friends so much as acquaintances..." Since GRADE THREE!!! I kid you not.  As you can see, I try not to get attached to people, and I suppose that there is some kind of deep psychological reason as to why, but I'm not going into it now, or probably ever. So yea, I can honestly say that the people I have met this year at school are my true friends. I trust them with... my everything, which is scary. I have trust issues too, but hey, no one’s perfect. As you can see, if you could manage to follow my scatterbrained ranting throughout this post, I truly do miss my friends, who have turned out to be something more like sisters to me. 

Miss you all!!! Can't wait!! Only 18 MORE days to endure!!! 

Oh yea, and sorry to anyone who came across this pathetic post, lol. I promise I'll have a focus for any other posts I should happen to make. ;P